One Day Closer

God bless my husband. He has been so supportive, encouraging, and helpful. I rarely lift a finger around the house these days; he pretty much does it all, in addition to working overtime so that we can start saving all the money we can for the future. Mostly, though, he's just there for me. He listens to me complain about my nausea, aches and pains. He brings me ginger ale when I need it; he rubs my back. He makes special trips to get me milkshakes. He never takes it personally when the hormones are raging and I take it out on him. He lets me verbalize my fears - even the crazy ones - and he lets me cry for no reason at all.

Yesterday was just a hard day all around. It was my first day back at work after a five-day break for Thanksgiving, and being on my feet so much again was a bit of a shock to the system. Everything hurt by the time I got home, especially my head, which was throbbing. On top of that, my emotions were even more out of control than usual. All these unfounded worries came out of nowhere. I was feeling sorry for myself, and then I felt guilty for feeling sorry for myself, because I WANT this so badly and I know this pregnancy is a blessing, one I've waited so long to have. It's just, well, hard. Being pregnant - and with triplets - is just plain hard. It's uncomfortable physically, but it can also be challenging mentally and emotionally despite the joy that it brings. It feels like all I do is wait. I wait for the next appointment, the next ultrasound. I wait for the first trimester to be over. (Just a few more weeks!) I wait to find out what's going to happen, and that's the hardest part of all: not knowing. Will my babies be OK? Will I? Will we bring them all home, and if we do, will they all be healthy? What if, God forbid, I don't bring any of them home? Sometimes this uncertainty - and knowing that we have to wait MONTHS to learn the outcome of this pregnancy - gets the best of me.

Luckily for me, on the nights when I'm on the verge of a meltdown, Kevin is there. He reminds me that this isn't forever, and that every day, no matter how long or difficult, is one day closer - closer, we hope and pray, to seeing and holding our babies.