Peace Out, First Trimester

Tomorrow = 14 weeks! I'm ready for that blessed second trimester everyone keeps telling me about, although I have a sneaky suspicion it might not find me feeling as glorious as it would if there were just one little peanut in there. Still, after a couple of days of severe discomfort (from way too many hours sitting in the car would be my guess) and many, many nights of poor sleep (from extreme nasal congestion), I'm feeling pretty chipper and very excited about the next stage of pregnancy. I've discovered the joys of the Neil Med Sinus Rinse, which while terrifying at first (it involves shooting salt water up your nose until it comes out the other side, and briefly reminded me of the horror of my childhood swimming lessons) has quickly become my favorite invention of all time. I figure that at 14 weeks, I'm halfway to the point where - though not the ideal situation - the babies would have a pretty good chance of survival if born. Twenty-eight weeks will be near the end of April. I'm praying that we make it to at least early May.

Here's my latest belly pic, taken this morning by my favorite photographer. You'll have to look past the scary no-makeup look. I'm practicing for when the babies come.



Christmas '09 was wonderful! We managed to make it to see both of our families. I wouldn't want to do the driving part again anytime soon, but we had a great time eating, relaxing, and celebrating with everyone. Special thanks to the Parkers who threw us our first baby shower! We brought home so many wonderful gifts that we couldn't see out the back window of the Jeep on the ride home. Cousin Spencer and his wife Ada were generous enough to give us their little girl Sofie's crib, as she is now in her first big girl bed. We're so blessed! Can't wait to see Kevin try to put it together. Hope it goes better than our Ikea table, which had the legs on backward for about two years before I had the heart to say anything to him about it.

During one sleepless night at my mom's, I started reading through the many Christmas cards she'd received. I was amazed and touched by the number of people - some of whom I don't even know personally - who wrote that they were praying for me and the babies. It's really humbling, and it's much appreciated to know that people think so much of my family and are rooting for us all. Please keep the prayers coming! I do have days where my positive thoughts are a little harder to come by, and I get a bit overwhelmed with worries about the future. I feel daunted by the thought of getting through the winter months ahead; I have a hard time with winter anyway. Hopefully the time will pass quickly. I tell myself to stop imagining the worst and start expecting the best, and I keep visualizing us with three healthy babies at home with us in 2010.

Happy New Year!

Round Ligament Pain, Insomnia, Oh My!

I've hit the three month mark!! Whoo-hoo! I'm finally at the point where many people say it's safe to start telling people I'm pregnant - oops! I mean, really. After all this, how was I NOT going to tell everyone right away?? I tell strangers on the street! I actually went out of my way to walk by the guy giving out wine samples at Kroger so he could offer me some and I could decline by saying, "Oh no, I'm pregnant, I can't." (Hey, I've waited four years for this. I can be as crazy as I want.) Twelve weeks feels like a milestone, although I'm not sure that the second trimester officially starts until 13 or 14 weeks. I'll ask my doctor at my next appointment (this Tuesday), but I'm not sure it matters for me since I'm not going the full 40 weeks anyway. I mean, at 12 weeks, I'm pretty sure I'm a third of the way there.

My nausea has come back a little, but I'm still able to eat a lot better than I was. I'm still having trouble getting enough meat, though, and I worry that I'm not getting all the protein I'm supposed to. Someone suggested protein shakes, but is that safe? Another question for the doc next week. I felt a little rushed at my last appointment, and I refuse to let that happen this time. I have tons of new questions and I'm not leaving that office until I get them all answered, no matter how ridiculous they are. (I mean, I know it's probably safe to use a laptop when you're pregnant, but it doesn't hurt to just double check, right?)

I'm still as tired as ever - maybe more - but for some reason, I keep waking up in the middle of the night feeling wide awake. Of course, this could be because I actually go to sleep around 8:00 sometimes, but I can't help it. Growing three people is exhausting. I also wake up hungry (!) and thirsty, so for better or worse I seem to be forming a habit of getting up for a drink and/or snack. My other nighttime ailment is round ligament pain. Essentially, every muscle from my midsection to my knees is stretching, and it hurts. Every time I roll over. I have a feeling that a couple of months from now, when I've doubled in size yet again, I'll be finding out what insomnia is really like. I may look back on these nights and wonder what I was complaining about. Oh well, after these babies get here, sleep will be a distant memory anyway. Might as well start preparing now.

Only two more days of work until a ten-day break! I'm so excited, but all I want is to make it to my family, and I'm afraid we won't get to go, since they are currently buried under two feet of snow...with another front possibly moving in on Christmas Eve. Like so many other things, this is out of my hands, though. I just know that soon my traveling will be limited, and I really wanted to have Christmas with my fam. Hoping and praying for the best! (My new motto.) Cheers!

11-Week Bump

OK, so it's small, but it IS a bump. It's not just holiday weight, promise! Though if you saw me on the street and didn't know I was pregnant, you'd probably think I'm just hefty. Anyway, it's a good place to start recording the growth of my expanding belly.



The most recent ultrasound pics will have to wait, because I'm going to have to scan them in manually. And it's Monday night and I'm tired. So that's not gonna happen right now.

11 Weeks Tomorrow!

We had a great ultrasound appointment yesterday. Whoa - these babies have grown! So has my stomach! I swear it doubled in size overnight. The nurse practitioner said that my uterus is the size of a 16 week single pregnancy, and it shows.

Seeing the babies again was wonderful! Because they're still too small right now for me to feel them, it's easy to find myself wondering sometimes if they're really in there. I love having ultrasounds because they reassure me...there are definitely three babies in there! They were certainly hamming it up for the camera yesterday. They were jumping around and wiggling - one of them even "waved" at us! Babies A and B were really close together, and Baby C was more off to one side. I wonder if that one will take after me and be our shy, introverted one? All three had strong heart rates - a fact that made me give a physical sigh of relief. Of course, we still got the friendly reminder that up until 24 weeks there's still a 20% chance that we could spontaneously lose one. I for one could have done without hearing that little statistic at the end of an otherwise perfect appointment, but what can you do? I just flip it around and tell myself there's an 80% chance that WON'T happen...and considering there was a only 1% chance of triplets in the first place, I'm not sure that numbers mean that much to me anyway.

The doctor has suggested we schedule a time to take a tour of the hospital. They want me to be familiar with where we'll go when the time comes, check out labor and delivery, and of course see both the regular nursery and the NICU. They want me to see triplets, full term babies, and preemies so I won't be too shocked if my babies are surrounded by lots of wires and tubes in the beginning. I'm hoping we can set this up in the next couple of weeks. I like knowing what to expect, so this will be good for me.

I'm happy to report that my nausea seems to be gone for the most part (knock on wood). Instead, my appetite has taken over in a big way! Bring on the Christmas feasting! I've actually got an excuse to wear elastic pants this year. People joke about eating for four, but hey - don't knock it till you've tried it. I'm finally able to eat more meat and veggies, which is a relief. It seemed like all I could stomach for a while was junk. Thank goodness for prenatal vitamins.

I've started telling the kids in my class at school that there are "three babies in my belly." This has been met with a lot of "How did they get in there?" and "How will they get out?" to which I've consistently responded, "Go home and ask your mommy, she'll tell you." A couple of my older girls love to ask me about the babies every day. In other work-related news, it's getting increasingly tiring being on my feet all morning, and it's hard to get relief because I have two equally uncomfortable choices when it comes to sitting down: the floor, or extremely hard little-people chairs. I'm keeping a pillow in the classroom and thinking about taking a folding camping chair too. People ask me how long I'm going to work, and I honestly don't know. I'm afraid it might get harder than I think earlier than I'm expecting.

Next appointment is in two weeks. We'll be busy with lots of Christmas-y stuff between now and then so hopefully it will go by quickly. Belly pics (and maybe ultrasound pics) coming soon!

One Day Closer

God bless my husband. He has been so supportive, encouraging, and helpful. I rarely lift a finger around the house these days; he pretty much does it all, in addition to working overtime so that we can start saving all the money we can for the future. Mostly, though, he's just there for me. He listens to me complain about my nausea, aches and pains. He brings me ginger ale when I need it; he rubs my back. He makes special trips to get me milkshakes. He never takes it personally when the hormones are raging and I take it out on him. He lets me verbalize my fears - even the crazy ones - and he lets me cry for no reason at all.

Yesterday was just a hard day all around. It was my first day back at work after a five-day break for Thanksgiving, and being on my feet so much again was a bit of a shock to the system. Everything hurt by the time I got home, especially my head, which was throbbing. On top of that, my emotions were even more out of control than usual. All these unfounded worries came out of nowhere. I was feeling sorry for myself, and then I felt guilty for feeling sorry for myself, because I WANT this so badly and I know this pregnancy is a blessing, one I've waited so long to have. It's just, well, hard. Being pregnant - and with triplets - is just plain hard. It's uncomfortable physically, but it can also be challenging mentally and emotionally despite the joy that it brings. It feels like all I do is wait. I wait for the next appointment, the next ultrasound. I wait for the first trimester to be over. (Just a few more weeks!) I wait to find out what's going to happen, and that's the hardest part of all: not knowing. Will my babies be OK? Will I? Will we bring them all home, and if we do, will they all be healthy? What if, God forbid, I don't bring any of them home? Sometimes this uncertainty - and knowing that we have to wait MONTHS to learn the outcome of this pregnancy - gets the best of me.

Luckily for me, on the nights when I'm on the verge of a meltdown, Kevin is there. He reminds me that this isn't forever, and that every day, no matter how long or difficult, is one day closer - closer, we hope and pray, to seeing and holding our babies.

Am I Showing, or Just Fat?

I thought I was going to be 8 weeks today, but apparently I won't reach that milestone for two more days according to the doctor I met with today. We saw a high-risk OB for what I thought would be my first actual OB appointment, but it was basically just another ultrasound and some very basic "counseling" on the most general expectations for a triplet pregnancy. The good news is that the ultrasound looked great. I was happy I got to see the babies again, and because this office had really high-tech equipment (and probably also because the babies are bigger), the heartbeat was much easier to see. They still look like little blobs for the most part, but I could definitely see the shape of a little head and also little arm and leg "nubs."

The doctor we talked to said that out of all the different types of triplet pregnancies, this is the best kind to have. All three babies are in separate sacs and so they each have their own blood supply. She also said that I have a "retroverted, retroflexed" uterus which basically means my uterus tilts backward instead of forward and is at an odd angle. Or something like that. It was hard to follow but she did say that it was relatively common and no cause for concern, as they usually correct themselves during the course of the pregnancy. I refuse to Google it because there will probably be some article on there about how someone else had the same thing and her uterus ate itself or something. No more Google for a while. As long as the doctor says not to worry about it, I'm going to trust her and her medical degree.

She also said that a C-Section is pretty much a definite, which I figured, but that their doctors won't actually schedule one until a woman reaches 36 (or it might have been 34) weeks, which is pretty optimistic for a triplet pregnancy. Because the goal right now is just to get me to 30 weeks, I'm wondering where that leaves me. Obviously that means my delivery will most likely NOT be scheduled. I'm trying not to imagine the worst, but I'm just thinking about that 30-40 minute drive to the hospital and what that might look like if I'm already in labor. Oh well, let's just cross that bridge when we get to it. I could very well be on hospital bed-rest long before that, which doesn't sound fun but WOULD be kind of reassuring.

The funny thing was that the doctor was supposed to go into another room and talk with another couple before she came to us, but she got us mixed up. So when she walked in, she had a big smile on her face and said, "I guess you already know the sex of the baby since you saw it on the ultrasound today!" This was followed by blank stares from both Kevin and myself. I was thinking wow, technology has really come a long way, since they can tell the sex at 8 weeks. She was very confused until I spoke up and told her I was the one with three babies. She was embarrassed, I was amused, and Kevin was questioning our choice of doctor.

Did I mention I watched A Baby Story today and saw a woman pregnant with twins give birth to the first baby on her kitchen floor with her pants still on? Again, the distance to the hospital from our house has me concerned.

In other news, I bought my first pair of maternity pants! I honestly don't think I'm showing yet, at least I don't have that cute bump that most newly pregnant women have. It's hard to tell because I already had a tummy to begin with. I can still wear my jeans, but my dress pants are horribly uncomfortable. I'm hoping this is the first and last piece of maternity clothing I buy brand new. I've been scouring Craigs List for free and cheap hand-me-downs. I figure I'll go through several different sizes in the next few months, so no need to spend a lot on something I'm not going to wear very long.

Next appointment (and "first" OB appointment, which will include more than just an ultrasound) is next Tuesday afternoon. Luckily, we get to go to their satellite office for most of our future appointments so we won't have so far to drive. Thanks again to everyone who was thinking of us this morning. I always go into appointments feeling nervous but thankfully so far I've come out of them all feeling relieved.

Pics will come if I can get them resized on this computer. Right now they are on a disc and they're really big. We did get our first pic of all three babies together at one time, which is exciting, even though they still look like jelly beans. It's becoming more real to me now!

All Aboard the Emotional Roller Coaster

Please don't misinterpret any of my less-than-positive musings and mistake them for complaining. After all this, for me to complain about any part of being pregnant would be, in my mind, a sin. That said, it would be completely dishonest of me to pretend that every day is like a picnic in a field full of daisies and butterflies.

The truth is, I am uncomfortable. I am experiencing a lot of unpleasantness. But, would I wish it away? Absolutely not. If being nauseous all day every day for the next six (or so) months means a normal pregnancy, then sign me up. Just because I don't particularly enjoy the symptoms I'm having doesn't mean I'm not happy to be having them. In fact, I woke up one day last week feeling great...no queasiness, no aches and pains. It was absolutely terrifying. I was afraid that if my symptoms went away, it would mean I wasn't pregnant anymore. On days like that, the worry and fear seem to take over and I absolutely cannot relax no matter what I do. The Bible verse that's been helping me is Phil. 4:6, "Be anxious for nothing..." I pray a lot and really try to remind myself that I'm not in control here. Sometimes it helps to remember that God created these little lives. They're His, not mine; they're just on loan to me for a while, and He gets to decide how long that is. What an honor that He's entrusted me with their care!

Telling myself all this does help, but I won't lie, it's also very, very scary, especially for a control freak like myself. I struggle every day with it. I try to have faith, but it's hard. I do, however, have days where I feel certain that everything is going to be fine, and I'm thankful for those. I have to monitor my Google searching. Sometimes I stumble across happy tales of successful triplet pregnancies and deliveries, but often when I search anything having to do with multiple pregnancy, I just find a bunch of stuff about what could go wrong and I get upset. I also came across a photo of a woman pregnant with triplets...hopefully, she was very close to her delivery date because it didn't appear possible for her to get much bigger. And it hit me: that is going to be me. Will I even be able to fit in the car in a few months? Of course, then I feel guilty for thinking that because I desperately want all three babies, even if it means I'll be the size of a barn. Ah, so many emotions!

My next appointment is this coming Tuesday, and it feels like it can't get here fast enough. It's my first appointment with the high-risk OB, a "Perinatologist." They're going to love me when they see the list of questions I've been working on.

I can't wait to see another ultrasound and see if the babies are any bigger. I'm praying that all three still have heartbeats and that they're all growing appropriately. This is the most crucial time for their development, and if something is going to happen to one of them, it will most likely be during the first trimester (although with high-risk, I guess there really is no "safe zone"). We know that the doctors are going to talk to us about "selective reduction," although we've already told them no thanks. To put it bluntly, to decrease the risk of health problems for me and the babies, they would basically get rid of one. Hopefully they'll keep their spiel short because no matter what they say, it's not going to happen. What would I say when I face God one day, "Thanks but it wasn't exactly what we ordered?"

Well, I didn't intend to make this a novel, but as you can see, I could talk all day about this pregnancy! Thanks again for the support and please continue to pray for ALL of us!

In the Beginning: Our Big News!

Welcome to my new blog! I don't want to get ahead of myself, because the future is uncertain, but I'd like to devote this blog solely to this new journey that I'm on.... my pregnancy! It's a journey I'm taking one day at a time, as I hope and pray for the best possible outcome for all of us. I copied and pasted this first post from my Facebook note, but I think I'll use this blog for updates from here on out.

After four long years of trying and lots of tears and prayers, I recently discovered that I am pregnant. Though my initial reaction was of course excitement, that was quickly followed by intense worry and fear that this one would not "work out." Having lost one pregnancy before, I've found it incredibly difficult not to expect the worst this time as well. By the time our first ultrasound appointment rolled around (yesterday, Nov. 5), I had pretty much convinced myself we weren't going to see anything on the screen. I even told Kevin, "I don't want to do this" as we walked into the exam room.

There's no way to describe what I felt when I saw a tiny "jelly bean" baby on that screen. When the doctor pointed out the little flicker that was the heartbeat, all I could do was cry. And then...

They found another one. And then. They found. Another. One.

Three babies, three heartbeats!

Shock, awe, elation, terror - we've been experiencing all these emotions and more in the last 24 hours! It's still very early, but there's no way we would be able to keep this a secret!

Most of our friends and family have been so supportive, encouraging, and incredible in sharing our joy with us, and for that we are so, so grateful. To those of you who have been praying with us and for us for so long, we cannot thank you enough. A few of the reactions I've received have surprised me a little, such as "It's going to be really hard, you know" and "Don't get too excited yet, a lot can happen" (and yes, even "You're going to get so big!" Yeah, I know. Thanks). But mostly, I've been overwhelmed by the genuine excitement others have shown for us.

Trust me; I of all people know far too well that anything can happen. I understand just how uncertain life can be. But, I also understand now more than ever that this whole pregnancy, my health, and the lives of my children all lie in the hands of God. I don't know what the future holds and I don't know what God's will is. All I can do is trust Him and face each day with the hope that no matter what transpires in the months ahead, He is in control.

This is considered a high-risk pregnancy. That means I'll be monitored closely and often by doctors specializing in multiple pregnancies. I am fully aware that we might not be bringing home three living babies, but of course we are hoping and praying for the best. I've been told by our doctors that chances are very good we will bring home at least two. Honestly, I'm not even ready to think about bringing anybody home - I'm just focused on keeping everybody healthy while they're still inside. : )

I am currently six, almost seven, weeks pregnant. In a "normal" situation, my due date would be June 29; however, if all three babies continue to grow and thrive, the doctor doesn't think I'll make it into the month of June at all. The doctors have told me to expect for the babies to spend some time in the NICU after they're born.

So yes, I know there is risk. I know it will be hard. But I'm not going to let fear keep me from enjoying this - the biggest adventure of my entire life!!

I plan to be very open about this journey and share each new milestone with you, our family and friends. Thank you again to all of you who have been so supportive and have been devoted to praying for us along the way. Please continue to keep us and our little ones in your prayers - we're going to need it! : ) And for anyone who has ever doubted, we are proof: miracles happen! (I think we're also proof that God has a sense of humor.) Yes, we had a little medical help in getting here, but the chances for triplets were only 1 percent! ONE PERCENT! My doctor told me yesterday we should buy a lottery ticket on the way home. But I think we've already won.